Dig My Shallow Grave
by Intrepid Inkweaver
Summary: It's been a long time since Harvey Bullock has really trusted anyone. A very long time. He trusts Jim Gordon, though. At first, he thinks he thinks that maybe that's why he's developed this embarrassing infatuation with his partner. That his head is just confusing these emotions that he hasn't felt in so long. He tells himself that long after he realizes it's not the case.
1. Chapter 1

_Oh, dig my shallow grave_  
_It's not me you'll save_  
_'Cause I'm a lost cause_  
_I'm a lost cause, a lost, lost cause_  
_~Imagine Dragons, "Lost Cause"_

It's been a long time since Harvey Bullock has really trusted anyone. A very long time. He trusts Jim Gordon, though.

At first, he thinks he thinks that maybe that's why he's developed this embarrassing infatuation with his partner. That his head is just confusing these emotions that he hasn't felt in so long.

He tells himself that long after he realizes it's not the case.

It's been a very long time since Harvey Bullock has been in love. A very, very long time. However, it's not something you ever forget, and he recognizes it.

v v v v

Jim goes through a breakup with Barbara. It was an amicable one, nothing catastrophic. Just two people that love each other coming to terms with the fact that they're not meant to stay together in that type of relationship. It's still hard on Jim, especially when Barbara reveals that she's thinking about moving to France. To try to cheer his partner up a bit, Harvey takes him out.

The place isn't much to look at, but they've got great food and good drinks. The alcohol, as Harvey might have suspected, does not cheer Gordon up, but it doesn't make him sad either. It leaves him in a sort of gloomily philosophical mood that Harvey would have laughed at under different circumstances.

For some reason that Harvey can't quite remember, Gordon ends up sitting with him on his side of the booth. At some point he leans over into Harvey's space to make a point and just never bothers to leave, so he's leaning on Harvey's side when he starts to critically stare at Harvey's head.

"You need a haircut," he says seriously. And then he _giggles_. Harvey's fairly certain he's never heard Jim Gordon _giggle _before today. It makes him laugh along. It also makes him want to kiss him.

Even drunk, he's not stupid enough to try that, though.

For the moment, he'll settle for the feel of Jim pressed carelessly against his side.

v v v v

Harvey swears he's never met anyone that gets into life-threatening situations quite as often as Jim Gordon does. The idiot nearly gets himself killed every other day. This time, though, it was closer than usual. Much closer than usual. Gordon just has to play the Hero, and Harvey is the one that gets stuck with the job of trying to talk the psycho who is currently holding a gun to Gordon's head down.

It doesn't work. The fucker pulls the trigger and Harvey can swear he can feel his heart pulling itself out of his chest. What none of the three of them saw coming, though, was the fact that the gun was out of bullets. (Because Gordon may get into life-threatening situations way too often, but he also seems to have a ridiculous amount of good luck on his side.)

As soon as he realizes the gun isn't going to do its job properly, Mr. Psycho-Criminal-of-the-Week slams the butt of it down on the base of Gordon's skull and turns tail to run. Luckily, there's nowhere for him to go—what with the building being surrounded by the GCPD—because Harvey is too busy checking on his unconscious partner to feel like giving chase.

The paramedics give Gordon a clean bill of health besides a lump on the back of his head and a nasty headache. Harvey always knew he was hard-headed.

The two of them are alone in the locker room when Harvey's anger and belated fear are finally allowed to boil over. "What were you thinking?" he bursts out, rounding on him. Jim stands his ground and glares at him, eyes dark.

"I was thinking that we could save that girl!" he snaps.

"And get yourself killed in the process? She would have been fine for five more minutes until back up arrived!"

"You don't know that!"

"You always have to be a hero, don't you? All it's going to do is get you killed."

"Yeah, well, at least I won't end up like you." Harvey flinches, but does his best to hide it. Something in Jim's eye tells him he didn't do a very good job of it. He starts to say something, but Harvey talks over him before he gets the chance.

"Fine. Have it your way," he mutters before turning to leave the room.


	2. Chapter 2

He had hoped that this time, Gordon would decide to wait for the bomb squad and the fire department. He'd hoped. He hadn't expected it. To be quite honest, Harvey was perfectly aware that there was no way in seven Hells or Satan's fiery panties that the bomb squad would get there in time. That was why, this time, he doesn't complain when Gordon goes charging into a building that's minutes from being blown to Kingdom-come to save a bunch of kids, Harvey on his tail.

Bombers tend to have a few loose screws. That's just the way of the world. This guy, though? If he shook his head too hard, everything would fall apart. He didn't plan things out. _Oh, look! I have an extra bomb! And there's an old apartment building there! And a bunch of school kids walking by! Time to blow up the neighborhood! _Thankfully, he also was one of the ones that seemed to want to be caught, because he called the cops before he pressed the trigger on each one.

They'd found out about his latest endeavor not five minutes ago. Luckily, they'd already been in the area. There was a short amount of time before the bombs in the building were set to go boom. If they found the kids quickly, they could still survive this. The kids are chained to the wall in one of the rooms right under where the bomb was set. They say they weren't the only kids brought in. there's another set somewhere in the building. As Gordon pulls the chain out of the wall with a crowbar that had handily been laying nearby, Harvey goes hunting as quickly as he can for the other kids. By now, there are sirens outside.

The bomb turns into a bit of a dud. It goes off after Gordon gets the kids out, but it doesn't have near the firepower the others had. It's still enough to throw Harvey into a wall and trap him there as fires rage around him. He wonders how it is that Gordon managed to take all the luck and not share any with him. Maybe he should take him gambling sometime, if he manages to get out of here.

Just as he's starting think that he is well and truly screwed this time, someone appears with a fire extinguisher and clears a path to him. It's Jim. "I was wondering where you'd got to," he mutters.

Harvey replies, "Where's the fire department?"

"At a different bomb site. There were two. That's where the other children were. The other trucks haven't got here yet." Jim manages to unpin him fairly easily. Having two hands to do it with must have been the trick, so Harvey refuses to be embarrassed that he hadn't been able to budge the thing. It's then that the firefighters find them and escort them with oxygen tanks out of the building. About time.

The paramedics fussed over them both a little when they got them out, but neither Harvey's nor Jim's smoke inhalation was severe. Harvey's injuries are superficial, but he feels like he got hit by a truck. Or, you know, was in an explosion.

"Thanks," he says quietly, without turning to look at him.

"You would've done the same for me," comes the response, "just with a lot more complaining." Harvey finally turns to see the smirk on Jim's face. He almost punches him, but ends up settling on laughing and gripping his shoulder. He leaves his hand there and they sit like that for quite a while.


	3. Chapter 3

The guy shouldn't have been able to sneak up on him the way he did—not with the acoustics in this building. Every tiny sound seems to be magnified ten-fold. He manages it, though, and Harvey gets smashed upside the head with what feels like a fucking brick. He goes out like a light without even seeing the culprit.

When he comes to, he feels like a crate of dynamite just went off in his skull and it takes a couple minutes for the ringing in his ears to subside and his vision to clear enough to notice that someone is hovering over him, talking. It takes longer to realize that it's his partner. When he focuses in on what Gordon is saying, he hears something about an ambulance and cringes internally. He hates hospitals.

"I don't need an ambulance," he tries to say, but it just comes out as a pained groan. So, to demonstrate that he's actually fine, he attempts to sit up. Gordon tries to push him back down, but Harvey bats his hands away and manages to get somewhat upright. As a reward, he is hit by a wave of nausea and dizziness so bad he nearly falls over again. Jim has his hands on his shoulders trying to support him.

"'Mm fine," Harvey manages to get out after the worst of the nausea has dissipated.

Gordon snorts. "Yeah, sure you are." He settles on the floor next to Harvey, keeping an arm around his back for support since he seems to have realized that Harvey isn't going to lay back down.

Jim's muttering about something and Harvey isn't really listening. It suddenly seems like a good idea to kiss him. Before his currently-struggling brain can catch up, he's pressed his lips against his partner's. It's clumsy and it probably lasts less than a second before Jim flinches away a little (but doesn't retract his supporting arm) and stares at him in shock for a couple seconds. Harvey's still out of it enough to not try to cover it up. Blinking, Jim seems to shrug it off and just goes back to talking about whatever he'd been saying before. He keeps throwing Harvey searching looks, though.

Later, in the hospital, Harvey remembers what he did. He wishes he didn't.

Later still, when he's back to work, he notices that every once in a while Jim is still throwing him those strange looks. Harvey does his best to pretend like he has no idea why, all the while wanting to melt into the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

It's a terrible case. Perhaps even the worst they've had yet. To compete with The Goat really says something harsh for this one. The victims are all children—ages five to sixteen—with no preference for race, gender or socio-economic status. They come from all over the city and their bodies end up in all parts of the city. Typically, the guy's a ghost. He doesn't leave any sign of himself at the scenes. It seems almost professional.

Harvey's not certain he's ever felt quite so useless. He knows Gordon hasn't. He can see it in his eyes. He's been reacting in increasingly more erratic ways. Harvey's fairly sure that the boy scout hasn't slept properly in days. When Barbara had been around, there at least had been someone for Jim to go home to, someone to make sure he was eating and sleeping. Someone to talk to. But Barbara is in Paris and now Harvey is the only one here. So he tries to take care of him the best he can manage.

"C'mon. We need to take a break. Let's go get a drink."

"You go. I'll keep looking through these files."

"Nope," Harvey replies simply as he drags Jim to his feet and hands him his coat. "You've been at this for way too long. We both have. It's time to leave it alone for a little while. Eat a decent meal. Sleep for a while."

Jim's eyes are first defiant, but then he gives in and Harvey can see the exhaustion glaring through. There was also a deep-set sadness and anger lurking there. The case was emotionally draining them.

"I don't feel like being around people right now," Gordon says quietly as they are on their way out to the parking garage. Harvey whole-heartedly agrees. They end up just going to Harvey's apartment because it's close to the precinct. It's small, but he doesn't spend much time at home, so it stays fairly clean.

There are frozen dinners in the freezer and some cans of beer in the refrigerator that he can't remember when he bought. He's not much of a beer person. They sit in the living room with the TV set on the sports channel because there's nothing else on. Gordon's got his legs up across the couch and at some point, Harvey falls asleep in his recliner.

When he wakes up, Jim's asleep, his head cushioned back against the arm of the couch. Harvey wonders briefly if he should wake him up and send him home, but decides against it. If he wakes him up now, he probably won't go back to sleep.

It's chilly in the apartment, so Harvey pulls a clean-but-tatty old blanket out of the closet and tosses it over his partner. Jim stirs in his sleep and mumbles something before shifting further into the couch. Something in Harvey's chest tightens. He does his best to ignore it.

He quickly shuts off the lights in the living room and retreats to his bedroom.


End file.
